They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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