she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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