I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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