What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
