Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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