kristin has been a bad kristin
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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