On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i out mim tonsoeep
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