then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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