remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
