She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
