I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
