Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
