Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
