Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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