Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
