If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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