When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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