Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
