I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
