you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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