i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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