Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
