Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Pooping to opera.
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