At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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