It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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