This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
