Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
