you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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