3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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