We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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