and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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