whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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