i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
