def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
