I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
