And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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