This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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