Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
