i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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