So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
