hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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