have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
