Barsexuality is the new black.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
