I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
