it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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