I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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