i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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