I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
