well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
