GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
