Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
