How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
