i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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