Cold hands, warm shart.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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