Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
