don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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