I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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