I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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